


Slipping Under

by teammussedtang



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 18:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18124883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teammussedtang/pseuds/teammussedtang
Summary: "We all share one brain cell and the fucking airplane is the one using it,"





	Slipping Under

**Author's Note:**

> why are they pilots? its called crack au baby! this is based off conversations i had with my gf to dw if it doesnt make much sense. also this is my first time writing so bls dont snipe me for making mistakes fjkfhfkdjfk (also the shippy stuff will appear more in the next chapters)

‘Testing out a brand new plane, huh,’ Fuery thought to himself. Him, and two of his colleagues and friends, Breda and Havoc, were getting ready to do just that. They were the ones assigned to perform a test flight on a recently built Airbus A380. As they hopped onto the airplane, the three were discussing video games. For the most part they liked to talk about Fortnite and Minecraft, though they often liked discussing other ones as well.

Havoc and Fuery in particular were really into gaming, and would often be seen playing various video games outside of work, Breda occasionally joining them. However, unlike Fuery and Havoc, Breda had never particularly been the kind to be good at them.

“Dude, Fuery, remember that time Breda played Minecraft with us for the first time? He kept looking up at the sun, and you asked him what he was doing, and you were like ‘You alright there, dude?’” Havoc loved reminding Breda of his ‘epic gamer fails’ as he liked to call them. Fuery did too, although he wouldn't bring them up as often as Havoc did.

“Oh, my god, I know right! He was staring at me for a really long time and was like ‘Hey… what’s that big yellow square thing?’” Fuery and Havoc practically burst into tears laughing as they remembered what they felt when they experienced the pure stupidity radiating from that single question.

“How the fuck was I supposed to know?” Breda asked, unaware that he was about to make his teammates laugh even harder.

Breda liked to think he was the smart one of his team, after all he was a straight A student and was always near, if not at the top of his class. He worked hard to achieve his dream of becoming a pilot, and it paid off. Despite this, that man was not considered intelligent in any way by the rest of Mustang’s crew, also known as ‘The Mustgang’.

Heading into the cockpit, the trio decided who would be the one to pilot, and who would be the one to co-pilot the airplane for the first few hours by spinning a bottle. It was a half-empty green soda bottle labeled ‘Gamer juice’ in Havoc’s signature messy handwriting. The label was a worn out yellow sticky note which looked like it could peel off the bottle any moment, had it not been for the miles of tape keeping it intact.

As Breda spun the bottle, he hoped he wouldn’t have to be the one to pilot first. The bottle stopped spinning. The cap, which was coated with red permanent marker ink, pointed right between where Havoc and Fuery were sitting. It was a tie, they thought, might as well spin it again. Breda spun it again. This time, the cap pointed directly at Breda, much to his disappointment.

Breda sighed. “You know those days where you think, this might as well happen.”

“Things are about to get serious,” Fuery said, cracking his knuckles before placing his hand on the bottle, to show Havoc how serious things were about to get.

Fuery spun the bottle. He and Havoc stared at it with intense concentration. The bottle seemed like it was going to keep on spinning forever. It was so quiet in the cockpit, you could hear a pin drop. When it finally stopped spinning, Havoc collapsed from exhaustion before he even had the chance to do anything. It wasn’t like he wanted to anyway.

Breda could barely contain his laughter. “This is so sad, can we shit?”

“Rest in pepperonis, dude,” Fuery continued.

“How does it feel to be a privileged bastard, Fuery?” Havoc complained.

“Pretty fucking sexy so far!”

Some time after the airplane took off, the pilots were, unsurprisingly, bored. Normally they would have just put on some music or continued their very heated debate over whether Roblox or Fortnite was the superior game, but that day those guys wanted to do something a bit more fun.

As Havoc and Breda piloted the airplane, Fuery had decided to take a nap until it was his turn to pilot.

“How many fucking times do I have to tell you, Breda. Don’t dig straight down, your dumb ass is gonna fall straight into lava,” Fuery mumbled, still asleep.

The two snickered loudly enough to wake him up, though he wasn’t fully awake yet, just awake enough to continue rambling incomprehensibly about the dangers of digging straight down in Minecraft. It never took much to wake Fuery up anyway.

“Good thing you’re awake dude, was thinking about asking you to swap places with me and pilot this bastard,” Breda said, seconds away from falling asleep out of boredom.

“It’s not like I have a choice at this point…” Fuery sat in Breda’s seat while he took a seat on the cold, yet comfortable carpet.

The airplane was filled with an awkward silence. It seemed like the Mustgang barely even had the energy to screw around. At least for a while they didn’t.

“Hey, you know that tracker thingy that shows the plane’s current path?”

“Yeah?” Fuery wasn’t entirely sure what Havoc was talking about, but was interested anyway. 

“What if we like, wrote a message by driving the plane in a certain path?”

“That sounds lit, but what would we even write?”

“I don’t know, something dumb? To be honest, I’m too bored to even think at this point.”

“Dude… what if we literally just write ‘I’m bored’? That’d be dope as hell, man.”

“Bro that’s fucking perfect!”

“Guys, what are you talking about? I wasn’t paying attention to you simpletons’ conversation, so can either of you bastards please translate your barbarian language into Intellectual-ese, that is, if you even have the mental capacity to do that,” Breda was zoning out and staring at the ceiling for the past half hour or so, and so had no clue about what Havoc and Fuery were planning to do.

“Breda, you absolute moron. You can’t even not dig straight down all the time. I called you out on your bullshit earlier in my goddamn dream.”

“We all share one brain cell and the fucking airplane is the one using it, Breda,” Havoc added.

“We know how much of a dumbass you are.”

“FHKDHFKDHF SHUT UP” Breda said, pronouncing the keysmash out loud. “I mean, it’s true, but you shouldn’t say it.”

Eventually, the path on the flight tracker surely enough, spelt ‘IM BORED’. Fuery was thinking about adding something else to it; it almost seemed like there was something missing. Breda and Havoc felt the same way, although they didn’t know why. Suddenly, it clicked.

“Guys, gamers, I just got the most epic idea.” Havoc announced.

“Sick, what is it?” Fuery asked.

“Let’s draw dicks on this bitch!”

“Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Hell yeah!” The three chanted repeatedly in unison, as they made the airplane take a swift U-turn to make their not-so-appropriate flight path’s line.

As soon as they completed their masterpiece, Havoc and Breda continuously begged Fuery to draw another one, as he was the one piloting at the moment.

“Come on, guys, we’ve already messed around on this plane enough. We should just get this over with,” Fuery said. He wanted to try to be responsible, but the rest of the crew was sure he wouldn’t stay this way for much longer. All they needed to do was to convince him somehow…

“If you don’t do it, you’re single,” said Havoc.

“...Fine. But just one more, and then we’re flying right back.” Fuery said, putting emphasis on the ‘one’ part.

Breda and Havoc high fived each other while yelling.

“Let’s go lads! We fucking did it!”

“You mean I did it. I was the one who convinced him to draw another dick, bastard.”

“Listen here, cumslut. I didn’t help you because you didn’t need my goddamn help, otherwise I would have.”

Fuery sighed as he wondered how he ended up being friends with those guys, while they continued their petty squabble. It wasn’t as if he disliked them or anything, it was just that sometimes they seemed so… childish. Despite him usually joining in on their antics, he sometimes felt that needed to be the responsible one, because he worried that one day their behaviour would get them into serious trouble.

“Can y’all please shut the fuck up? Some of us are trying to draw dicks on flight path trackers,” Fuery never liked being a downer, or ruining other people’s fun, which was part of the reason he was so easily convinced to relax.

“Ugh, fine,” they said at the same time.

Now that their ‘fight’ was over, Breda and Havoc needed something new to entertain themselves while Fuery finished drawing the second dick. Havoc suggested they play some music, and the rest agreed. Breda had brought his Bluetooth speaker, a rectangular green device, marked by a Minecraft creeper sticker on the back so he wouldn’t lose it or mix it up with someone else’s speaker. Fuery didn’t really mind what song they played, while Havoc wanted to play Everytime We Touch, and Breda wanted to play Toxic.

Havoc took a sip of his ‘Gamer juice’ before he put the bottle down and spun it. Spinning a bottle was a good way for them to decide on things, since they never seemed to be able to agree on one thing, even something as simple as what song to play first.

Unfortunately for him, the bottle pointed towards Breda.

“You know what that means… Toxic time!” Breda said as the song began to play on the speakers.

“Oh hell yeah!” Though Fuery knew how much of a bastard Breda was, he admitted he had a damn good taste in music.

“God really said fuck Havoc rights didn’t he?”

“Yep!” Breda and Fuery agreed that Havoc did not deserve rights on this Thursday afternoon. They had no idea what god had against him that day but they didn’t care since it was ’just how it is on this bitch of an earth’ as they liked to say.

“Don’t worry, dude. If we actually had anything against you, you’d have been dead a long time ago,” Fuery reminded him. He had a way of being nice while at the same time coming off as cryptic, even if that wasn’t his intention.

Later on, Havoc had an idea. A really stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless.

“Hey, you know what would be the coolest thing ever?”

“Go on…” Fuery had a feeling that Havoc was going to say something dumb, but he decided not to jump to conclusions.

“Fuery, I know you might not approve since you try not to fuck around too much but, what if we just, crashed into the middle of the Atlantic?”

“Fuck yeah!” Breda was immediately on board, but Fuery was still thinking about it.

“You know, I was initially going to disagree, but you're absolutely right! This is gonna be the coolest thing ever!” At this point Fuery didn’t give a damn if he wasn’t being responsible anymore, he just wanted to have a good time with his pals.

“Okay but before we do this,” Fuery dragged a box labelled ‘Life vests’ out from under his seat, took two life vests out and threw them to Breda and Havoc. He took a third one out and began to put it on. “Safety first, motherfuckers.”

“This life vest makes me look so unsexy,” Havoc complained as he put it on.

“Bold of you to assume you weren’t already unsexy,” Breda remarked.

“Okay, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you.”

“Guys, shut the hell your mouths. None of us are unsexy, and especially not you, Havoc.” 

“Bro… you think I’m sexy?”

“Jean… we’ve been dating for two fucking years, of course I do, you dumb bastard,” Fuery wondered how they ever got together when his boyfriend was practically the most oblivious person alive. To be fair, Fuery was just as oblivious as Havoc was, so they were technically even.

“Wait what do you mean you’ve been dat- oh wait nevermind, I completely forgot you two were a thing,”

Fuery facepalmed harder than he probably should have. “Hey Breda, did you know that there are these wonderful little things in your head called brain cells? Use them.”

“Breda, Fuery, get fucking ready. We’re about to make a water landing!”

The moment the airplane hit the ocean, the song lyrics almost seemed to fit perfectly with the situation.

‘You're toxic, I’m slipping under,’

Fuery grabbed three inflatable rafts from the one of the emergency supply cabinets and rushed to the emergency exit furthest from the cockpit, taking Havoc and Breda with him.

“But guys, don’t we need parachutes?” Breda didn’t realise that the airplane was far too close to the water to need any.

“No, Breda, we don’t. Even I realised that, and I’m a complete fucking idiot!”

Fuery pointed towards the ocean view which was rapidly getting closer to them, visible from the emergency exit door which was wide open.

“Go ahead, Breda, get in, since your ass wanna act pair a shoes, and anyway we’re running out of time we need to get out of here ASAP!”

The trio probably needed to get a better grip on their rafts when they jumped out the exit. Breda landed face first into the ocean, his raft floating next to him. Fuery tried to do a flip on his raft, and landed upside down. Havoc somehow forgot that he was supposed to bring the raft with him and landed into Fuery’s raft with enough force to send him flying directly onto Breda and his one.

“Dude! What was that for?”

“Did you really think I had a choice when Havoc made me fly through the a- SHIT where are my glasses?” Fuery thought he had lost them for a hot second before Havoc responded.

“No worries bro, they’re in my raft!”

“Thanks but they’re not in your raft, they’re in my goddamn raft. Your raft is still in the plane, fuckhead.”

“Whatever, want me to yeet them over to y-”

“No don’t!” Fuery yelled. ‘I can’t risk actually losing my glasses. I need those to see the love of my life. Okay, and maybe Breda too,’ Fuery thought, as he swam over to his raft.


End file.
